


Of True Love, Lies, and Convenience.

by SerraxAvenger



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:53:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6152839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerraxAvenger/pseuds/SerraxAvenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blackwall returns from being away for a length of time with the Wardens. He Has not seen Lavellan since they broke up years prior. He is having trouble dealing with the fact that she has moved on, and is now with Cullen.</p><p>This was a challenge for the Fellowship of the Cullenites writers.<br/>I was given the prompt available at the end of this work.I have chosen to include it at the end to avoid spoilers.<br/>This is as feesly as it gets and even if you are not a fan of Blackwall I hope you can feel a little bit differently after reading this one shot.<br/>This work is currently in the process of being revised and I ask your patience, it's about 6 months old and was in sore need of it.<br/>A new version will be available soon.<br/>I have received a request to write a companion piece for this work, and I am currently considering it.<br/>Look for updates in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of True Love, Lies, and Convenience.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be hard for me to write as I am a consistent romancer of Thom Rainier.  
> I want that to be said before you read this.  
> I am going to write as though that is not the case for the purpose of this event.  
> So here we...go!

The air was still in the deep roads it smelled of moss and sweat. Looking around he could see little in the blue glow of untapped lyrium veins and glow stones. 

Disembodied voices that echoed inside his head told him that they were near. Unintelligible whispers that he followed not by direction but by the volume that grew in them as he pointed himself in their direction. 

And then, there was The Calling he’d once lied and claimed he could hear it what a fool he was. How he wished he could go back. The blighted Calling and it's singing, the blasted constant song that never left his mind. At his loneliest he would pretend it was her's, that he was back in Skyhold and in her bed. He pictured them together smiling and warm.

They would lay there and he would close his eyes while she hummed to him playing with his beard and running her fingers through his hair. Thom knew he would never experience that again, not as he had. Lazy mornings and sweet kisses had been replaced with the sting of rejection and the stench of the Blight. He could feel the weight of the rock above him even in the cavernous deep roads. It had been over 4 years since he had left, he had thought...He truly believed that once she found out about who he was and forgiven him that they were going to be together forever. 

That if she could tell him it was worth figuring out that she would stay by his side. But He had been wrong again. She was up there warm in the sun and in the arms of her commander and he was down here.

Meant to die and rot to bones, alone. With no one to mourn him, likely a feast to the very creatures he had watched kill the real Blackwall.  

The pain in his side grew, a dull ache from the poisoned blade of a Hurlock. He pressed his hands against the gaping crack in his armor and laughed, "It will be over soon", Blackwall said to himself with a sigh as he let his body fall against a large boulder. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath coughing as he exhaled. Wiping his mouth with the back of his forearm then running his hand down his beard. He began to silently weep, alone, and lost in the dark and all he could think about was her.  

Just as he was about to lose consciousness he felt a lurch and a jarring shift, as though he was falling closing his eyes and opening them again he'd awoken to find himself sitting up right in his bed in the hayloft of Skyhold's barn drenched with sweat and shivering.

The room was filled with the golden glow of early morning light, though he still panicked as he looked around feeling the spot next to him where she had once slept. But found that he was alone, again. Letting his hands cover his face bringing his knees to his chest he rested his elbows on them and wept. 

 

He still remembered the time he left her in her sleep when he abandoned his lie, and when he awoke alone from a nightmare searching for her he always wondered if this was what it was like for her. He dreaded sleep now, being a Grey Warden came at a cost, one of them being these awful dreams. Horrid nightmares of Darkspawn and dying alone in the deep roads and longing for a woman he could no longer call his own. It had been 4 years since he'd left, five years since the final events of the battle against the Qunari at the Winter Palace.

She wasn't even the same woman anymore, she had left a piece of herself behind literally and figuratively.    
                 He wanted to marry her, he thought about asking many times, but never did. He even carried the damn ring around in the Deep Roads for half of that year. A small circle of white gold with stones the green of the fade rifts and the blue of the Wardens chosen to keep them together no matter how far apart they were Or some such useless sentiment that was now devoid of all meaning. He wanted to ask but was always too afraid to actually approach her. He had tossed the ring into a deep crevasse in The Anderfels after she had ended things. "Ever the coward Thom" he said to himself as he climbed out of his makeshift square bale hay bed.  

He looked out the large window at Skyhold. She was just as grand and beautiful as he remembered her, And just as unchanging. He knew Skyhold would always be the same even if Thedas fell. Even if all the kings of man died and Solas achieved his mad plan to tear down the veil and burn the world. He knew Skyhold would always be there, that thought brought him a moment's peace. 

 

He dressed and climbed down the stairs to the barn where he heard the cries of the Inquisitors Royal Sixteen Hart. He crossed the barn and began to rub the creature's snout. "She got this for saving her clan from some crazed Duke" he told Horse Master Dennet. "She's a beautiful creature, rare and almost untamable. Any man would be lucky to have her." 

Blackwall continued as he patted the Hart. "You know Thom, I'm not so sure you're talking about the animal anymore mate. She's moved on, with the Commander now. Maybe you should move on too.", Blackwall felt a pang of jealousy, followed by guilt as he thought of the pairing but still managed a sigh.

"Perhaps you're right" He replied, "You know I haven't seen Lady Josephine in a while either, Maybe I'll ask her to tea.". Master Dennet Smiled, "Thats the spirit, get back on the horse", he patted Blackwall's back as he passed behind him with a wheelbarrow of feed.

"It's always horses with you isn't it old man", Blackwall joked laughing his distinctive deep belly laugh. "You're not so young yourself you know Thom. Won't be long you'll be called Greywall, then, Whitewall. Then, the'll be leaving flowers at your stone".

"Dennet you old bastard. It's good to see you again. I'll be back later, cards?", Blackwall said turning to leave. "You know it, bring your coin Blackwall. I'm not taking credit after last time mate.", Dennet said waving to acknowledge Blackwall taking his leave. 

Blackwall walked down past the shops and up to the blacksmith, he stepped back into the warm glow of the smithy and stopped heavy in his tracks. Putting his hands down on one of the sword lined tables just taking a moment to think.

Dennet did not realize what he said, there was no way he could imagine the weight of his words. Dennet did not realize there would be no Greywall or Whitewall for that matter. He was a Warden now and he was going to die just as he had in his dream, alone in the dark and devoured by darkspawn. The Calling was the fate of every Grey Warden, and Blackwall was no young man. He was already trying his best to ignore the song. It was easier when he was awake but at night, or in the Deep Roads it was impossible to tune out. That was perhaps why he'd pretend it was the voice of his former lover. But try as he might, there was no ignoring The Calling, and soon he would die alone.

No one would mourn him, there would be no flowers for Thom Rainier. Leaving his weapons and armour with the Smith he made his way out. Passing the tavern and heard the familiar cackle of Sera's laughter and the minstril Maryden's song. It had been ages since he'd stopped in for a pint, maybe he'll grab one before he heads back out. He considered heading over now but stopped himself before he did. No matter how badly he'd wanted to avoid it. He was here for a reason and he had to have that meeting. He was after all, here on official Grey Warden business. 

  
  


"Soon.", he promised himself as he began to walk up the stars into skyhold stopping at the first landing. This was where she had become Inquisitor and where he'd watched her as she spoke with her advisors after the battle of corypheus. He remembered how in love with her he was at that moment and during the battle. One that he was a part of fighting alongside the woman he loved. Taking a deep breath exhaled and thought, "Blackwall... Thom STOP!", you cannot keep torturing yourself. Especially now." looking at the door to Skyhold and knew what awaited him inside. As he ascended the final steps and walked in he saw the familiar throne. As large as the day he last saw it bearing the crest of Kirkwall. He wasn't sure how she had gotten it just that it had appeared one day it was definitely an update. 

He stopped and looked over at the table where Varric once kept a seat that was now vacant while he ran Kirkwall and into the hall that lead to Solas' former rotunda. "How long do Elvhen frescos keep?", he wondered as he walked past. Imagining the walls drying and cracking with dust and pieces missing from them due to neglect. Solas, now there was an entirely different story and one so big it made his head spin.  

The crowds of nobles and other followers thinned out some and the main chambers of Skyhold were quieter than they once were. He looked up to where Vivienne used to sit. "Oh, what a bitch she was", he thought, "But now she's the most powerful woman in all Thedas". His thoughts trailed off as he looked over to the door that lead to the war room. "Save one.", taking a deep breath he walked over to it and pushed it open.

The familiar scent of incense, roses, and Antivan chocolates greeted him instantly, "Madame Josephine! Greetings Ambassador how are you?", he said with a smile bowing deeply and raising with a nod. Josie straightened up when she saw him enter. She had not forgotten the betrayal, but even though she had forgiven him over the years it was still awkward for her to see him in back in Skyhold. Nevertheless, she was still quite pleased. She had after all missed him more than she would admit in present or polite company.  

"Warden  _ Rainier _ ", she said allowing the inflection to fall on Rainier. An act that did not go unnoticed by Blackwall. "The advisory has already begun, we were forced to begin earlier than expected to allow for a commitment that requires the presence of both Inquisitor Lavellan and the Commander. As is such we find ourselves in need of the treaties that have been requested. I trust you have them and all is in order?", looking at him eyebrows raised waiting for a response. "Ah, Yes he said producing a bundle of scrolls from an aubergine crushed velvet bag at his hip that bore the double griffon crest and was tied with a long twisted rope of copper and bronze that had small gold and glass beaded embellishments at each tasseled end. "Here, straight from Weisshaupt treaties that will hopefully continue the alliance between the Grey Wardens and the remnants of the inquisition. So, long as Her Worship desires and should require the need of we the remaining Wardens.", looking down at the bag and back up to his eyes she smiled her polite smile gesturing toward the hall leading directly to the war room. "When you are ready.", she said with a smile directing him to follow with her feather quill in hand, stiffening up Blackwall walked up to the giant double doors and pushed them open. 

 

"I know we began early but that's no excuse for the delay.", he heard in the strong and irritated voice of Commander Cullen who cleared his throat and stopped speaking as Blackwall entered.

"Grey Warden Thom Rainier of Weisshaupt Fortress. Unofficially Blackwall",

Josephine completed her introduction and made her leave the large locks clicking loudly behind her as she left. "Warden Rainier, 'tis kind of you to have graced us with your presence."`, greeted Morrigan and before Blackwall could reply she quipped, "far kinder would it have been should you perhaps have been  _ on time. _ ", "Greetings to you to Lady Morrigan.", he responded looking around the table he was pleased to see so many friendly faces. Cassandra and Leliana were both in attendance as well as Cullen and Inquisitor Lavellan.

"My Lady- er- Inquisitor", the room became noticeably more tense and Cullen grimaced and looked up with a slight scowl Cassandra shuffled awkwardly casting a glance to Leliana who returned a concerned look of pity.

Correcting himself and starting over, "Your worship... I have here with me the treaties confirming the alliance between the Grey Wardens and the remnants of the Inquisition. Should you feel the need I have them here for you."

 

He looked over at Cullen the hurt was written all over Blackwall's face, as he saw where the commander stood. Just behind her to the left her right. He knew because that's where he once stood. Standing full of strength behind the most beautiful woman in the world. Making eye contact he thought to himself "why wouldn't she want him, look at him he's everything I could never be: proud, handsome, young, but still self aware.", He then looked over at The Inquisitor and remembered how absolutely beautiful she was. His eyes traced her body from ankle to shoulder. 

The rest of the meeting went the same way. Lavellan spoke, Blackwall would stare. Cullen spoke, Blackwall looked dejected and hurt. Until finally they were done.

 

Blackwall looked at Inquisitor Lavellan from under his bushy brows and sighed a lamented sigh. He was not yet prepared to leave, “As much as it pains me to see him with her, it hurts more to know I won't see her at all. I need to try to...just...”.

"Thom?", her voice broke his focus. 

"Everyone is dismissed, I'd like you to stay Warden Rainier. You and I need to have a word", The room cleared out amid murmurs, "Staring,", "hopeless," and, "obsessed", were among them.  

Finally, only he, The Inquisitor, and Cullen remained. Cullen placed his hand on her shoulder and ran it down her arm as he left. Passing Blackwall he shot a hard glare with a scowl and snorted "Thom" curtly as he exited the war room. Inquisitor Lavellan walked around the table and leaned against it just barely sitting. "Thom, it's been years...Cullen and I, are married and our son, Rylen will be 2 soon. As appreciated that it maybe you still think of me. It needs to stop. I'm sorry.", she said the last word to the ground and stood there for a moment saying nothing.

Blackwall took a deep breath and began, "I love you, the day I lost you I lost the best part of me. I cannot endure this life without you, every  _ moment _ has been torture. I have been fighting to let you and all we had go, but I can't. I need you. I'm sorry but I do.".

He took a step closer as he had before when he'd stood in judgement before her after he had abandoned his lie and continued, "I know these are the pleadings of an old man and you have reached a point in your life where you say you do not want me. But I refuse to believe it. What we had was real, You can't just let that go...I..I can't", He took another step. "My lady I..", he began leaning over her placing his hands on the table on either side of her. He looked into her blue eyes and he felt that familiar rush again. For the first time in years he felt happy maybe this was the chance he yearned, for finally. Standing up straight he placed his hand on the small of her back like he had when they would steal a kiss beside the barn. Caressing her cheek with the back of his gloved hand he could feel her breath on his beard his own was ragged and desperate. "My lady... There was not a single moment in all the years I have been away that I did not long, no ache to have you in my arms, nor will there ever be.", Pulling her in close so her body pressed against his he slowly closed his eyes and leaned in for a kiss, "I love you", he whispered and his lips moved closer to hers. Inquisitor lavellan placed her hand on his and took a deep breath. "Thom, Don't", Lavellan said turning her head away from the kiss. She was angered beyond anything he'd seen before and her eyes were filled with hurt as she shoved past him and walked over to the other side of the room. "This display has gone on quite far enough, Warden Rainier I accept your treaties on behalf of the Inquisition. But I refuse your advances as the wife to Cullen Rutherford Commander of The Inquisition. I'd like you to conclude all you business here and take your leave. You may go...", She spoke turning her back to him Those final words cut him deeper than any blade and pierced his heart. He let his head fall and left the room with his tail between his legs. "I'm sorry your worship, clearly I have overstepped. I should not have said those things. forgive me. I will do as you wish and return to Weisshaupt as quickly as possible. I apologize for my forwardness, farewell my lady.". As the door closed behind him, he could barely make out the sound of something crashing against the wall and Lavellan crying.

 

Making his way out he'd passed Josie without so much as a word. Walking quickly, not stopping until he reached his familiar hay loft. Falling backwards on to his bed he looked out the large window at the stars. The fact he was only the slightest bit cold and the smell of the fire kept him present. Taking a deep shaky breath tears began to roll down his crow's feet and into the tangle of salt and pepper hair that made up his sideburns. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into a rolling sob. He wanted her, he wanted her so badly it physically hurt. If he tried hard enough he could still feel her against him, and smell her perfume. She always wore a light oil made from wild flowers that the dalish held in high regard with notes of musk and leather. He touched her place in his bed again and remembered how she looked with the blankets gently draped over her taut naked body. Choking down another bout of sobs he listened to the sounds of Skyhold; in the distance birds cried and the clanging metal of the sparring arena in the upper courtyard cut through the otherwise calm evening, Blackwall flinching slightly with each clang. That and the chill in the air, if he tried hard enough it was like it felt before. She was just out on some quest in their attempts to stop the Elder One and he'd remained behind. Getting up off his bed he walked over to the large opening and leaned against the poles that ran from floor to ceiling making up the opening. He'd noticed a light turn on in the Commander's bedroom loft. And two figures moving around one small and frantic the other was the commander tall and broad. She was undoubtedly retelling the pathetic tale of the ex lovers failed attempts to steal her away.

“How utterly embarrassing.”, he thought to himself. He watched for a moment longer while Cullen consoled her until they met in the middle as he held her, they kissed and a moment later the lights went out. Thinking about her with Cullen filled him with a sick pang of jealousy that pierced sure as any arrow. The thought of the commander and Lavellan together, in his arms and in his bed. He imagined Cullen doing to her all the things he used to do with her.

The thought of them kissing, and making love made him dizzy.   

He began to walk back over to his bed when a high pitched voice rang through the rafters of his hayloft.

  
  


"Andraste's flaming knickers Thom! how much longer are you going to keep this up?", turning around suddenly he noticed he was not alone. A small blonde poorly dressed elf was climbing the stairs. "Here I was all giddy goat 'bout Tad Raynard's rumored return to Skyhold.", Her movements were jerky and deliberate. She was obviously drunk. "And what do I get? You all weepy willow over Miss Quizzy Ladybits.", she said frowning taking a seat on a barrel of feed. "Come let's get pissed and go punch something, yeah?", Blackwall laughed a hearty laugh 

"Oh Sera, I do love you. So, I want to show you something!", he walked over to her and reached for his belt. "Eww, I don't want to see your bits, keep it in your pants.", she snorted cackling wildly at her own joke. laughing so hard she fell of the barrel she was sitting on. "Bloody hell Sera No! Look at this!", he said pulling a large key from his Grey Warden pouch. "And what's that supposed to be?", She asked with the curiosity showing on her face. "Come with me and I'll show you", Blackwall replied. "Sounds like fun broody beard. I'm in!", Sera Said excitedly and jumped off the barrel and down the first three steps. Blackwall laughed again and followed her his heavy boots clomping down the steps after her.  

 

They walked down the path that led outside Skyhold to a small door that you would miss had you not known it was there. Passing the shops and the infirmary they laughed about old times. Then, Sera turned solemn "Alright, what happened? How'd it end between you two? Cause I thought that when I left all was good, yeah? I felt like I was leaving you in good hand."`, Sera said smiling at her own joke. "I'm not sure really.", Blackwall said his voice filling with sadness. Taking a few steps down the gravel walkway lit only by the stars and moon light. His breath fogged in the night chill as he spoke. "We were happy, last I thought. We were making plans and the Warden thing did not seem to bother her. But the trips got longer and longer. Before I knew it I was leaving for 6 months at a time. Then, one trip lasted a year. When I came back...", he paused. His eyes lost focus remembering how happy he had been to find his way back home. But when he got there she was waiting for him and she did not smile like she usually had when she saw him. In his memory he saw her with that static look on her face.

Unchanging as he walked up with his big grin and his arms open. slowly the grin and his arms lowered and he stopped before her. "Thom, welcome back to Skyhold. A year has passed and now you're back. I did not want to do this now, I wanted to wait until you were settled but I feel that would be perpetuating a lie", His heart sank. He knew this day  _ could _ come, but he never believed that it actually would.

"My Lady I have returned from the farthest reaches of Thedas and I feel further from you now than I did at the bottom of the Deep Roads. If you want to talk, let us talk. But I fear what your words may be."

They walked from the main room in the castle to Solas' former rotunda where they sat together on a covered couch. "Thom, it's been a year. I have patiently waited while each trip grew longer. I have always waited but I feel like I am giving up more than I...”, her voice trailed off. The pit of his stomach churned he knew it was over.

And the tears began to bud in the corners of his eyes while he tried in vain to swallow the growing lump in his throat. His whole body began to tremble as he sat waiting for the woman he'd fought to return to rejected him.

"Thom", she began when she had found her words. "Thom, with each day that passes I find you are giving more of yourself to your past and the Wardens than you have given to us in all our years together... In our years together, I have never felt like you were living for me as much as I have lived for you. And...", she paused appearing to choose her words carefully  "Cullen and I have grown quite close. We're just friends now, but I feel like the feelings I have for him are not fair to myself or to you.". Standing up and walking over to Solas' Desk she looked at his papers and things for a moment then turned back to Thom and looked him in the eye. "Thom, I have walked all of Thedas by your side, from the dingiest prisons to the farest countrysides. I walked with you seeking out your men and finding others that required redemption. But the entire time all I wanted was to settle down and marry the man I loved and to start a family… And as much as it pains me to say, you took too long."

When she was done speaking Blackwall stood up and walked over to her stopping about 3 paces away and took to one knee in a final desperate stand for her affections reaching for the ring he kept for her. “My Lady Please.”, he beseeched her tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

“Thom, Don't do this. Please, the decision has been made. Don't make this harder than it has to be.”, Inquisitor lavellan walked back to the couch and rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.

"So, the Commander. Have you two been seeing each other long?", He asked rising to his feet.

"No, we haven't been seeing each other at all. we've only been friendly. I don't even know if he feels for me. Just that I can't feel for you both.", His heart pounded and his skin was covered with an icy sweat.

As he turned to leave the room.

Looking back at her one final time he pursed his lips and said “I wish you two the best. I’m glad to know you choose convenience over love.”, and left the rotunda.

The memory faded back into reality and Blackwall began to feel a great many things as he stood there on the path with Sera. "We just drifted apart", he replied finally answering her question. "She and the Commander grew close as I was away and she felt that I had a duty to the wardens. Simple really.", Sera frowned, "I'm sorry, but that's how things go yeah? Love is a fickle..slow thing innit? as soon as they're gone they make you be okay? But it's not okay, it's  _ never  _ okay. Just one half is... the other is in pieces _.  _ Well, I'm sorry You don't deserve that you are a good sort. Weren't always but you found it yeah?", She touched the back of his arm.

"There's a girl for you, with big beardy hearts in her eyes. Just you wait.", "Thanks Sera, it's not far now. It should be just behind that there.", Blackwall pointed at a rocky outcropping a few yards ahead. 

  
  


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"Are you alright my love?", Cullen asked Inquisitor Lavellan while they laid naked and spooning wrapped each other's arms in Cullen's bed. He kissed the back of her shoulder and she closed her eyes enjoying the feeling of his warm breath on her skin.

Rolling over the soft scratching of rustling sheets moving with her body. She looked into his eyes and took pause. "No, not really. But I'm going to have to be aren't I?", she replied. She relaxed laying on her back, "I knew this would be hard. But I didn't realize how hard it would actually be. I don't know why the Wardens sent him. I can't imagine he'd requested the assignment? I know this must be painfully awkward for you. Being confronted so thoroughly with my past", She looked over to him while he reflected on her words. "I can't begin to guess what their goal was. But I can say that I was unprepared for how awkward that became so quickly. Though I'm sorry you were forced to endure the situation. It would seem that he is still enraptured with you. Understandably so however I still would expect a level of professionalism. Though I have a hard time imagining what I would do i that sort of situation.", 

Cullen repositioned himself and continued. "I loved a woman once, she was simply a circle mage when I met her. But she went on to become the Hero of Ferelden. When I saw her again she was with someone else it was back at Ferelden's circle tower after the demons had taken hold. I was unkind to her, I still feel that my behavior with her was unworthy of me. And I regret the way that I spoke to her.".    
He leaned down and kissed Lavellan pulling back to look in her eyes he smirked. "We can't let that spoil the evening now can we? I refuse to spend another moment in melancholy especially on a night this beautiful.", he said kissing her again this time lingering with his forehead against hers. "I wish, however fruitless it might be that I could keep you here all to myself. I would kiss every bit of you, twice. And I would try with all my might to make sure you never felt a single unpleasant thing. my beautiful wife, I would give you all of myself for as long as the Maker would give me life.".    
He rolled on top of her kissed her lips with several small but passionate kisses then looked her in the eyes and smiled. His skin was a bluish green in the moonlight and his eyes were a rich bronze that almost seemed to glow.    
His was the face she'd grown to love. He was the one that had been there for her when Blackwall decided he had to run off to fix the lives he'd destroyed. While leaving her alone to the one he'd promised to share. Many things can be said about a woman that leaves one man for another, but She didn't really do that now did she? Blackwall had left her. Cullen was the man that stayed, ever loyal even before he'd known how she felt. Or how much she felt she thought to herself, "I am a lucky woman". "Cullen, I love you. You know that right? I don't want what happened today to create any tension between us. I know Thom and I have quite the history but it was not meant to be. I love you and I am here --with  _ you _ .". Lavellan looked away and Cullen rolled off her. "I'm not sure why you would think that it would my love", he replied. "I'm not holding you responsible for what that man did, When he put his hands on you he crossed the line. It is not your fault, I need you to understand that. I can't have you thinking that there was any blame on your part.", straining as he sat upright and getting out of bed he walked over to his nightstand. He dressed in a loose fitting v-neck white linen shirt with a string on either side of the neckline that hung down and a pair of equally loose fitting light brown khaki trousers. His clothing hugged his muscles and pulled as he moved. She loved the way he looked when he was dressed like this, to her it said that things were peaceful at least for the moment. She would take any sign to relax she could get these days. Cullen walked over and sat on the corner of the bed turning to her he asked, "Take a walk with me?".

"Gladly.", she replied hopping out of bed and dressing in her Skyhold outfit. "Where are we going?", she asked, "Just for a walk I could use the air"`, Cullen replied. taking a moment to check on the sleeping Rylen in his cot then heading down the ladder to his office and out the door on the right that lead to the battlements hand in hand Cullen began, "I know things have been hard for you as of late and losing your arm has not helped and can't have been easy. I know you miss the adventure. Though I must say the crossbow Sera had fashioned for you does seem like..well it seems like something Sera was a part of. er-Okay so we're walking. and now stop!", stopping suddenly Lavellan looked at her husband, "What's on your mind Cullen?", Lavellan asked with a laugh. Cullen looked at her his expression was filled with every bit of love and adoration she believed she'd ever seen. His eyes narrowed and his voice went soft and gravely almost to a whisper taking a few steps toward her until her back was against the stone wall behind her he placed his hands on her waist and spoke, "Nothing, I just wanted to see you in the starlight. I've never told you this, but when we first got to skyhold I'd walk the battlements after nightfall and look at the stars. And how they seemed so still, I'd close my eyes and take it all in. I would thank The Maker each and every night that you made it out of Haven. It was quite close and I was sure you had been lost. I couldn't stand the thought, those were some of the most agonizing moments of my life up until the Exalted Council at the Winter palace.", he paused looking at her with his crooked smirk, "When you came to me, I was in disbelief I never thought that you could see me as anything more than the commander of the Inquisition's forces or maybe a trusted friend. I was certain that had I had lost any chance of being with you when you swore your love to another. Then, as time passed and we spent more and more time together. Soon our talks were less about him and more about you, then us. I will never forget the trembles I had in my chest when we kiss the first time", he wrapped his hands around her waist leaned down and kissed her. Pulling her into him he ran his hands up the curves her body and left them cupping her face. He held his own an inch from hers to where their noses barely touched and smiled, "this is where I first kissed you, do you remember?", Inquisitor lavellan looked around and he was right it was night time and everything was bathed in the blue starlight but this was the spot. The stars numbered in the millions above and it seemed as though they would rain down around them in a shower of glitter and sparks or that they could reach up and touch them. "Cullen", she said with a smile, "You always manage to make me feel so much better, I'm glad we did this.". 

"That's part of the job!", he said with a laugh, "I am your husband for a reason".

She jumped into his arms and hugged him as tightly as she could, kissing him again as she landed back on the ground. "Want to go check in on Rylen?", she asked. "Always.", Cullen replied with a smile holding hands they walked back to Cullen's room.  “But before we do, there is one final thing I wish to discuss”, Cullen said.

“Oh?” The inquisitor responded confused. “We need to discuss the matter of your feelings for him. I know you still care. Tomorrow I want you to go to him. Find your answers, I don’t want to know. But I feel in my heart you need to do what is right, And finally say goodbye.”,  Cullen said.

“Cullen I...”, Lavellan began to respond and before she could finish he shook his head and simply said, “Please”. Inquisitor lavellan nodded and said nothing more as they walked in to Cullen’s room.            

 

****************************************************************

 

Sera and Blackwall walked around the rocky ledge and to the opening of a cave. The sounds of scratching and an odd sort of thrumming emanated from within. Sera’s eyes filled with curiosity and her brows furrowed as she tried look past him seeing only blackness. “Sera, please I want to ask you to be patient while I explain. So, before we enter I need you to swear you’ll keep my secret?”.   
Ugh! Sera grunted mimicking cassandra’s disgusted noises, “What’s it with you and secrets!” She snapped, “You had secrets, Wardens  _ have _ secrets, no one telling truths!”.   
“Oh?”, replied Blackwall with a playfully incredulous tone. “Tell me more about how secrets are so bad? Madam Jenny.”. Sera was noticeably annoyed for being called out and narrowed her eyes. “Fine, I will keep Warden Rainy’s super Grey Warden secrets.”.   
“Alright Sera, keep your voice down and follow me.”. 

They walked into the cave Sera just a few steps behind Blackwall venturing deeper, the thrumming grew louder.   
After a moment The thrums broke into a clearer sound.    
What she had thought was just an echo in an old cave was actually the beating of large pair of wings.    
  
  
  
“Blackwall..?”, Sera said as she began to ask her question. “Why does that thing look like...”, she stopped herself, “No, that’s daft! They’re not! Blackwall I can’t be looking at what that is because THOSE are not...real they’re all dead! Oh Maker I must be well drunk!”. 

Blackwalls belly laugh echoed through the cave causing the large creature to cry out.    
  
Walking over to him he patted the it’s head and took the key from his belt and unlocked its bindings.    
The griffon stood in excess 10 feet tall with large talons and a wingspan of about twice that.    
It stretched it’s wings and began preening. “Sera, I’d like to introduce you to Vir-Anaris Descendant of Revas, Griffon of Isseya veteran of the 4th Blight. And my personal traveling companion for the remainder of this for?”.

Blackwall walked up to the head of the griffon and asked, “May we fly with you my friend?”.   
Vir-Anaris bowed and lowered his great silvery wings so that Blackwall could climb onto his back.   
“Come on, Sera! What are you waiting for?”, Blackwall said, extending his hand.   
Sera’s eyes were wide and she was both awe filled and terrified. But she took his hand and sat behind him grabbing his leg with on hand and the speckled plumage of the Griffon’s back with the other. “You ready there?”, Cried Blackwall. Sera seemed to have found her second wind because she stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist and shouted, “Let’s do it!”, Blackwall cracked the reins then pulled and with a loud, “HYAH!”, They took to flight. Navigating the narrow cavern’s entrance then to open sky.    
Both Blackwall and Sera’s hair blew around wildly as Vir-Anaris dipped and shot back up into the sky.   
Sera’s grip on his waist loosened as she became more comfortable raising one fist in the air into her signature two-fingered salute. “Bugger all you nobles and your bullshit tales of glory! Red Jenny’s riding a frigging Griffon!”, followed by jubilant cries and a string of woo hooing that made Blackwall laugh and cry out too followed by more belly laughing.    
  
Blackwall smiled a big toothy grin and shouted an order to  Vir-Anaris that caused him to speed up and dip down to a nearby frigid lake.    
The griffon cawed loudly and obliged running his wing along the surface of the water splashing both he and Sera in the moor. Blackwall called another set of commands and Vir-Anaris soared over Skyhold and around the battlements making sure to keep high enough so that those on the ground we unable to determine just what was flying above them.   
Sera’s nose and cheeks were pink from the chill in the air but that did not stop her cheering for more.    
“Alright Sera, one last one are you ready?”, Blackwall asked looking over his shoulder.    
Sera cheered in response and Blackwall laughed cracking the reins again and calling out to Vir-Anaris who began to climb into the night sky.   
  
  
Sera closed her eyes and let the frigid night air hit her in the face. When she finally opened them she looked down and saw Skyhold beneath her. Naught but a dark grey smudge on the ground below. “I’m going to count it out! Are you ready?”, he asked her while Vir-Anaris flapped his wings in anticipation for the order to dive.    
Sera straightened up and grabbed onto Blackwall with one hand and punched up the other hand fisted into the air.   
“Alright, 3...2...1!”, then calling out another command  Vir-Anaris dove Sera could barely hold on to Blackwall through the sheer force of his speed and movements.   
After what seems like a moment Vir-Anaris slowed and reached the ground in front of his cave walked inside.   
Sera jumped off and turned with her hair as a birds nest on her head smiled.   
“Thank you ser griffon for the amazing flight”, hobbling over to a stone she sat and ran her hand over her head.   
“Now, if I can ever walk again it would be a miracle. You know how to show a girl a good time, I’ll give you that one.”.   
Walking over he helped her to her to her feet, “You know Sera, I’m long overdue for a trip to the Tavern. Care to accompany me?”.   
“You and me both beardy. But that was amazing!” .   
Locking the harness that secured Vir-Anaris Blackwall fed him a ration of feed and dead nugs before he cleaned his wings and patted him goodnight.    
They turned to leave and happily discussed the events of the evening.   
Those that had just transpired and those yet to unfold. 

 

Blackwall and Sera headed back to Skyhold and into the this. Much had changed in the years since he left. There was still the faint smell of salt and vomit. The soft amber light from the fire in the heart was welcoming and Blackwall had missed merriment. He looked over at the Bard Maryden in mid song and smiled. Her singing was always welcoming, as they sat the beginning notes of, “I am The One”, made Blackwall tear up a bit. Wiping it away before Sera could notice they found a table across from Maryden And the heath. Settling in over a pint they began to discuss their flight. “So, Griffons real thing?”, asked Sera. “I believe you have seen they are.”, Blackwall replied

“That’s stupid. Why keep them secret?”, Sera asked taking a big gulp from a flagon half her size.    
“So, I could write a book about how this came to be. I won’t, that’s Varric's territory but long story short they’re back, mostly.”.   
“All very secretive.”, Blackwall explained between large swallows of his own ale.  Peering into his own glass and observing the swish of the amber liquid. “So, Sera, what brings you back to Skyhold?”, he asked as the next song, “Empress of fire”, danced over their heads. Sera smiled her cheeks were beginning to grow flush with inebriation. “Widdle, I had a job to do in Val Firmin and when that was up I came here for a vacation from Jennying”, her words began to slur just the tiniest bit as she fell to the ale.  “Glad that’s going well. It is good to see you happy you deserve it Sera.”, Blackwall and Sera sat at their table drinking and talking. Playing a game where a sovereign is bounced off the table and into a glass. Quite suddenly they heard the heavy stomps of boots above his head and a giggle.    
“That’ll be Bull you think?”, Blackwall said, “Frigging better be!” Said Serra jumping out of her seat and running up the stairs. Shortly after Bull came down the stairs with Sera on his shoulder and set her down taking a seat at the table. “Blackwall and Sera! Just like old times, how you guys been?”, he said nodding at a passing paron and winking at a serving girl. “The Chargers and I just got done defending this small settlement from a pack of demons that got left behind when their rift closed. Nasty shit.”, he said taking a large gulp from his own flagon that was dropped of by a particularly disheveled looking young woman and coughing so hard he may have hacked up a lung on the table. Sera’s face twisted in disgust and she leaned away. “Aw, come on Sera. this will put a little chest on your chest”, he said offering her his flagon.  Sera made a disgusted face and pushed it away, “I don't drink that shite, and you need to get new jokes”. Sera quipped “Ah, come on! Iron Bull responded “I am hilarious”    
Sera and Bull began to tell stories and get louder and more ridiculous but Blackwall grew tired and decided to sit as Sera told an increasingly incoherent tale of breaking into an Orlesian chateau.   
After a few more rounds and a few songs Sera began to doze and Blackwall felt a bit dizzy.   
He walked her up to the small room on the second floor where she slept, tucked her in and ventured out into Skyhold for a drunken stroll before bed.     
He walked down up to the battlements and peered out over the frozen lake in the blackness.   
And took and inhaled deeply his breath fogging in the night air. His teeth felt numb as he ran his tongue over them. “Alright, it’s time to say goodbye to Skyhold for a while.”, he turned around and walked back down toward the barn. Passing  the shops again and over to the well. Tossing one copper in he looked up at the stars “Maker, if you care see those I love here and all over safe out there,” casting one look up to Cullen’s room “And keep her safe, make sure she’s happy and that he treats her right.”   
And with a sigh he headed up to his hay loft and undressed pulling on a loose fitting pair of sleeping pants and letting his hair down to fall around his shoulders. Blowing out the candles he laid down on his hay bed and pulling the wool blanket up to his chest he drifted of to have drunken dreams. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


******************************************************************************

  
  


When he finally awoke he looked around everything was a blur, his eyes covered in the haze of a sleep that accompanied a night of heavy drinking and merriment. Taking a deep breath the chilled air of the morning stung his lungs. His head ached slightly and there was a rumble of hung over uneasiness in the pit of his belly but otherwise it was a calm morning. Stretching he rolled over and looked at the ceiling his shirtless chest rising and falling with each breath. The light cascaded over him from the large window by his bed leaving half of him in shadow. There was a thick fog surrounding Skyhold that morning covering everything with a dewy mist not much could be seen past . All of Skyholds vibrant colors were muted and everything was the color of clouds on a grey winter’s morning. Even his skin was damp and cold from the dense cloud of fog. Finally, becoming aware of his faculties he heard the footfalls of small feet ascending the staircase. Blackwall not being in any mood to entertain company dreaded a visitor until he saw it was the Inquisitor. He remained silent as she ascended the final steps and sat on a crate opposite his hay bed. “This can’t be right. What was she doing here?”, he wondered to himself.    
  
“Good Morning Thom, I hope you slept well”, she said in hushed whispers. Blackwall sat up pulling the covers over his bare chest and greeted her with a “Morning?”, standing “Morning madam, what brings you to my loft this morning?”.    
Standing up and walking over to his bed she smiled, “It’s  _ my  _ loft actually.”. Then, with her expression changing she looked at him sheepishly, “is there room for one more?”, she asked gesturing at his side. Blackwall understandably surprised and a little shaken looked back at her, “Forgive me my lady but I thought you were very clear before. I don’t want to cross the commander.”.   
“He knows I’m here. He understood why I had to come. He asked for me to keep the details to myself but had no other demands”, she replied. 

“Last night he and I talked about you in depth after we went to bed. We agreed that if I didn’t come...”, she said sitting on the edge of his bed. Blackwall slid over making space for her next to him. She climbed under his covers and rested her head on the part of his chest where his shoulder met his torso and rubbed her hand on his chest. Running her fingers through his wild chest hair she closed her eyes and began to breathe slowly and evenly. They laid there together as they had before, the dense fog creating a barrier between them and the rest of the world.   
“I love you Thom. Perhaps I always will, I need you to know that. That’s why Cullen and I agreed that this would be necessary.”.   
  
  
Blackwall was as confused as ever as she laid there talking. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. Breathing deeply he took in her fragrance and he understood why she was here. “This is it isn’t my lady? This is our goodbye?”, he asked. 

“Yes.”, The inquisitor replied, “This is the goodbye we both deserved. I love you, that will never change. But I understand that we simply lack any future together.”. Lavellan rested her head on Blackwall’s beard as tears began to roll down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, you were right we should not have done this. But I’m glad we did. It was wonderful. I am going to stay for just a little while longer, but when I go...   
We must never allow our past to interrupt our future negotiations or business. Do you understand?”, Lavellan asked looked at Blackwall with tear filled eyes.   
“I do.”, Blackwall replied saying nothing more pulling her tighter into his embrace. “Thom, we may have been pulled apart. But I want... No, I need you to understand. I don’t regret any of it. Please don’t think that I did.”, Blackwall said nothing but kissed her forehead They laid there in silence for a few minutes in their own world.    
  
  
  
After the fog began to lift as the midmorning sun burned it all way. The rays of light breaking through casting long shadows. Blackwall looked down at the sleeping inquisitor and took in every moment of it.   
He would never forget how beautiful she was and he would always cherish their last moment together. Shaking her gently her large elvhen eyes opened a beautiful crystal blue as close as he was he could see the small brown rings on the inner eye.   
“You’re so beautiful”, he said.  Lavellan smiled weakly in her newly awoken state.   
Leaning down he brought his face closer to hers and rubbed the tip of his nose against hers. Smiling as he kissed her and she kissed him in return. A gentle last kiss of a great love that had run its course. Pulling back he looked at her and smiled, “I love you.”   
Smiling at the man she spent 5 years of her life with she simply replied, “I know.” 

  
Sitting up she swung her feet over the edge of his bed and rubbed her eyes and allowed herself large heavy yawn and stretch. Blackwall climbed out of bed after her and ran his fingers through his wild hair as he stood up and pulled a shirt on. “Thank you for spending the morning with me my lady. It makes me very happy that we were able to spend this last morning together., Lavellan smiled and hugged him. Blackwall kissed her forehead and she let him go. “How much longer will you be in Skyhold?”, she asked. “I leave in a moment. My business is concluded and I have to be back as soon as possible. I should be gone within the next couple of hours. It was good seeing you.”, he said looking over at her.    
“And you, farewell and remember you always have a home here.”. 

She put her hand on his shoulder as she passed him toward the stairs and out of his room. Blackwall felt better about things as he finished dressing in his padded armor and began to pack his belongings.    
  
He pulled his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the makeshift aerie and began his trip back to Weisshaupt Fortress in the Anderfels. Walking into the cave he took out his key and tied his bags to the harness that wrapped around Vir-Anaris’ neck and down his chest. He bowed and greeted the creature, “Good morning my friend, it’s almost time to head home, are you ready?”, he asked Vir-Anaris bucked up then bowed spreading his wings in agreement. “First breakfast aye?”, he said pulled dead nugs and feed from his canvas feed bag. Then over to his own bag where he pulled out a small meal raton he had packed and ate is hurriedly while his griffon ate next to him.    
When the were done with their meals he put their bags and trash away and bowed once more, ”Ready to go home my friend?”, he asked Vir-Anaris bowed and allowed Blackwall to climb onto his back.    
Planting his feet firmly down blackwall called out, “To the sky!”, and snapped his reins.   
Vir-Anaris instantly responded navigating out of the cave and into the havens.    
  
*****************************************************************************   
  
Arriving at Weisshaupt Warden Thom Rainier returned Vir-Anaris to his stall in the Aeries and thanked him for his service with a good wash and hot meal.  Walking back down to The common areas to prepare himself before standing before the Warden Commanders with his information regarding his trip to Skyhold he passed a small elvhen woman in the stairwells. “Oh, Thom! You’ve returned”, she said her voice filled with an obvious delight.  “Will you be staying a while? I’d love to hear more of your tales of the battle against the Elder One and sealing the Breach.”.

Thom laughed and walked down the few steps to close the gap between them and smiled, “You know Lanaya, I’d like that very much.”, Lanaya smiled when he said her name. He took her hand and looked her in her large brown elvhen eyes causing her to blush. “My lady, might I be so bold as to ask. Would you allow me to do so over dinner?”, Lanaya’s eyes widened with delight and she immediately looked at the ground then finally back at Thom with a shy smile. 

“I would like that very much, Yes.”, Thom kissed the back of her hand. 

“I have meetings all day but I will go to your chambers as soon as I am relieved of my duty. I am eager to see you again my lady.”. Lanaya smiled again and took her hand back, “Me too. I will see you soon Thom.”, she said as she bounded away. Thom smiled again as he walked back up the stairs and to the War Room.    
“You can do this...”, he said to himself. And he pushed the giant Double Griffon emblazoned doors open.  

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for this Challenge:  
> “Blackwall returns from the wardens after years of no contact. Quizzy has moved on. Bonus for including griffons.”


End file.
